In defense of getting fat

I am considering making the conscious decision to let myself get fat.

Just hear me out for a second.

I understand the health implications. Being overweight puts you at risk for, well, many things. But I also have to ask - why do I know smokers that are likely to live til their 90's or beyond? I bet anyone reading this knows people with bad habits - smoke too much, eat too much, drink too much - that have lived longer than others who've done everything right.

Furthermore, I'm not interested in becoming morbidly obese. I'm thinking a comfortable 190 lbs or so (I'm tall for a woman, a bit over 5'9", so that's not too terribly fat). Yes, I'll look a bit heavy, but not to the point where people will make beeping noises when I back up.

Aside from the health implications, though, I'm having a tough time thinking of any reason not to completely embrace being on the heavy side.

First of all, it's not like I'm limiting my clothing options. The main thing that pisses me off about gaining weight is that my clothes feel tight. But if I were prepared for it, I think I could probably find a way to dress that would still look attractive. Fashion has come a long way. Am I going to be able to wear the same styles as the supermodels? No. But curvy women aren't limited like they used to be. Hell, I can think of three stylish places to shop right off the top of my head. Plus-sized these days doesn't need to equal frumpy.

Secondly, it would save me lots of angst. I spend a lot of time worrying about what I should or shouldn't eat, and whether I've exercised enough recently, and if my butt looks big, or if my thighs look too jiggly. If I just let myself go, I wouldn't really have to worry about any of that crap. Does my butt look big? Why, yes, it does, thank you for asking! Have I exercised enough recently? Who the hell cares, we can go for a walk while we search out some cake!

Third, and this is a really big one: I. Love. Food. Going back to the angst for a second, you don't understand what kind of thought process goes through the typical woman's head when going out to eat at a restaurant. "What can I eat? Well I don't want another salad. But everything else is deep fried. And really, the salads aren't much better with all the crap they're loaded with. So I may as well indulge and get the burger. But I've been eating so much crap lately, it's all going straight to my thighs. Why don't they have some plain broiled chicken or something? Wait, we're getting appetizers? Deep fried mozzarella? Aw, hell. Well maybe just one." And on. And on. And on.

Followed by the ensuing guilt. And don't get me started on the internal monologues associated with whether or not to get dessert. Really, it'd be great if I could just look at food without arguing with it.

Food is an experience. I love it. And while I've had some success, it's pretty tough to find food that's satisfying without also packing on some pretty hefty pounds. I just ate a dinner roll covered with garlic butter. Don't tell me I can replace that with romaine slathered in a low-cal balsamic. I'm sick of having to settle for cardboard just because I'm on some frivolous, pointless, never-ending quest to have a six-pack. Particularly when other things in life are going wrong, it's nice to know that at the end of the day, you can go home, settle in with the libation of your choice, and devour an entire plate of pasta smothered in Alfredo sauce, and it will be delicious. Food is always There for you.

Plus, I don't have to stop trying to have good nutrition. I like veggies. I prefer them covered in ranch. Or drizzled in olive oil. Maybe it's better to eat them like that and enjoy them, rather than to agonize over whether I've shoved enough raw carrot sticks in my mouth for the day.

Fourth, I can still exercise. There's no ban on exercising just because you've decided to stop worrying about your weight. There's yoga. There's gentle resistance training with elastic bands. We're getting an elliptical soon. I like going for walks with my husband around the neighborhood. Really, I think I'd enjoy exercising more if I wasn't always concerned about whether it's narrowing my waistline. I mean, it's not like I'm consciously trying to get fat. I'm just going to stop trying to prevent it from happening. But exercise makes me feel good and have more energy, and it's fun, so why not?

So, really, what's the big deal about being overweight?

Conquest

Things I will conquer this week:

1) Second edit of the first 1/3 of my novel
2) Walking and Yoga 5 out of 7 days
3) Stick to Weight Watchers Points
4) Clean something each day, even if it's small
5) Take my vitamins each day

The yoga is already making a difference, I think. I felt more energetic today. I've managed to plow through my to-do list, and physically my body is not resisting me as much. My mind is still a bit sluggish, but when I got home from work today, I felt like I shook off my cobwebs and got down to business with what I needed to accomplish - cleaning a little, cooking a little, exercising a little, editing a little. It's a nice feeling after walking around in an unproductive haze for who knows how long.

I'm looking forward to seeing how my yoga improves my riding experience. I noticed my back muscles were feeling really fatigued after riding on Friday and Saturday, probably because I've just let my core become so weak and now I'm re-adapting to balancing on a motorcycle. Hopefully I'll notice a difference if I get a chance to ride again on Friday!

I Did Yoga!

I've completely fallen off of the health wagon for the past year or so. And by that, I mean I just haven't been exercising or eating particularly healthy. I've had bouts where I'll try to eat less, but I still eat bad food, and then I just decide to dive in and eat whatever I want and the cycle starts all over again. I've done a little walking here and there, but I haven't done any weight lifting or running or anything of that nature. I just find that I'm frequently tired due to stress at work, so I stress-eat bad food, which is just self-defeating, as it causes me to have even less energy.

I keep meaning to do things - like start walking outside a bit each morning, or pick up some healthier choices at the grocery store - but somehow the time doesn't ever seem right, or I'm not in the mood, or I'm too tried. Or I want to exercise, but I didn't plan a good routine, and I don't feel like planning a routine, so I may as well just not do it. After all, if I'm going to do it, I should do it right, right? And instead, I end up not doing it at all.

Well, today I decided to just skip to the exercise part of my Yoga book. I get it - Yoga is a lifestyle. Be gentle with yourself. Don't get wrapped up in ego. Relax, balance, focus, etc. But the fact is, I really want to increase my flexibility and overall health right now. And if I have to read through the additional 100 pages of philosophy before getting started, I know I'm going to continue to get bored and eventually forget about it and move on to something else.

So, I very gently dove into yoga this afternoon.

I selected some fairly basic, easy poses, most of which I've tried before in other fitness classes. I focused on my breathing and easing myself into each pose to where I felt comfortable. I took my time in adjusting my position until I felt like I was in each pose correctly, and tried to maintain my balance and focus in each one. And, afterwards, I felt pretty good!

I feel liberated, in a way. I didn't need to make sure everything was perfect. I just wanted to make sure I did something. I've always been one of those people who always has to have everything in order, list made, double-checked, plan in place, etc, before doing anything. Which is ridiculous, because being like that tends to stall me out mid-execution. It's tough being a detail-oriented planner-type with what I suspect is a mild case of ADD.

It's a good reminder for me, though. Not everything has to be perfect; in fact, it's pointless to try and make it perfect. Sometimes it's better to just start with what you have, and go from there. I need to remind myself of that when I'm editing. It's great to want to put the best novel out there that you can. But it's never going to be perfect. Not everyone is going to love it or agree with what you did. But taking that first step and putting it out there will mean a lot more than sitting on it indefinitely until "the right plan" is in place. It's OK to make some stuff up as you go. So maybe it's time to take a cue from yoga and be kinder to yourself and your writing.