Sunday, July 22, 2012

That downright horrible, no good nasty week

It has been a toughie. Note that this won't be a "writing" post - I am in need of a good venting. This should perhaps explain my lack of recent progress on my book. Or perhaps not. Either way, I need to get it off of my chest. I will return to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

It actually started on Friday the 13th. Figures, huh? How utterly cliche. I got a traffic ticket in the mail for one of those video cameras that catches you running a red light. So that's $100 I'm out. Truthfully, I brought it on myself, but that doesn't make it less annoying.

That day, I also got some very bad news for one of my clients. It was a combination of factors I can't really go into, but all of it boils down to me not being in control of everything or even anything when it comes to this client. The complete lack of professional courtesy from the other side's attorneys also did not help.

The weekend was actually fantastic - I got to be with my family for my grandmother's birthday, and it was so incredibly good to see them. I even stayed in a hotel like a grown-up or something. I got the room to myself (hubs had to stay home) and just kind of spread out, made a mess I wouldn't have to clean up (ok, don't worry, not THAT big of a mess), used the gym facilities, etc.

But then I came home on Sunday to find my husband nursing our dog. Our poor, poor old boxer. He has been bed-ridden for over a year now as he aged to the point where he could not walk. He's been on various pain medications due to arthritis. Well, on Sunday he couldn't keep any food or water down, and he gradually got to the point where we could just tell it was time. None of the vets were open, so I had to call around and find someone who could make a house call. We sat with him and petted him and told him what a good dog he was as he went to sleep for the last time.

I can't tell you how unbelievably sad it is to watch the dog who has been such a good friend to you for years slowly stop breathing and grow still. But to other dog owners out there: do not let your own sadness get in the way of you being there for your pet. Your voice is the only thing that is good and familiar to them, your presence is the thing that they understand. The fact that you are there with them is more important to them than anything else in the world. Be there for your pet if you have to put them down - it is the least you can do for them. They love you more than anything else; only you can make the transition easier on them as they leave this world.

Compared to that, the events of the week following seem fairly trivial, but it all just served to create a low-grade nastiness that followed me around the entire time. Our home is grieving. My work was stressing me out and exhausting me as I attempted to fix this problem for this poor client all week, struggling to find guidance and help. Another situation also deteriorated for another client - it was over quickly, but certainly didn't help my outlook. (Isn't it great reading a lawyer's blog? We're always so specific.) My rotten attitude has also triggered some physical symptoms - exhaustion, soreness, a feeling like I'm slightly sick. It's amazing how the cycle perpetuates itself. You feel bad mentally, so you start to feel bad physically, which only makes you feel worse mentally, and so on. It's a hard thing to kick.

Yesterday was better. We gave a free legal seminar in the community, and people really appreciated it, which felt good. I came home and slept some more - I think I'm suffering from some really mild depression and the sleep has helped. Then we went out for sushi and bought some goodies at Trader Joe's. Nothing exploded. It feels like things have settled down a bit. In the off-chance that karma is real, I'm contemplating buying a lottery ticket to cash in on all the crap that happened last week.

Today has also helped. Singing at church was uplifting and I really felt moved for the first time in a while. Other than the beer I'm currently sipping (what?? it's 5:00 somewhere), I've eaten pretty healthy so far. I feel well-rested. I'm thinking of making it to the gym later today. Recovering from a crummy week is a weird thing - it's not like I've been seriously injured, but I'm approaching life gingerly as if I had been. How do you cheer yourself up when you've had a rough patch?

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